Fishtank Humour - Fortunes Tank

Fishtank Humour - Fortunes Tank - Quotes

Fishtank Humour - Fortunes Tank - Quotes

665: Neighbour of the Beast.

- One Liners

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10 Random Quotes - [10 More]

1202

One time the police stopped me for speeding and said "Dont you know the speed limit is only 55 miles an hour?" I said, "I know, but I wasnt going to be out that long."
Steven Wright

0968

"I'd like to go there. But if Jeffrey Archer is there I want to go to Lewisham" - Milligan on whether he believed he would go to heaven.
Spike Milligan

1195

I talk to myself a lot, and it bothers people because I use a megaphone.
Steven Wright

0038

I THINK THERE SHOULD BE SOMETHING in science called the "reindeer effect." I don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good to hear someone say, "Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect."
Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988

0014

Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur. Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.
Anonymous

1198

Im writing a book. I have all the page numbers down, now I just have to fill in the rest.
Steven Wright

0024

Why can we remember the tiniest detail that has happened to us, and not remember how many times we have told it to the same person.
Francoiss de La Rochefouauld

1207

I took my headlights out and put strobe lights in. Now when I drive at night it looks like I am the only one who is moving.
Steven Wright

1194

I like to tease my plants when I water them. I like to water them with ice cubes.
Steven Wright

0021

If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment."
Marcus Aurelius

Back to Fishtank Humour

1202	One time the police stopped me for speeding and said "Dont you know the speed limit is only 55 miles an hour?" I said, "I know, but I wasnt going to be out that long." Steven Wright
0968	"I'd like to go there. But if Jeffrey Archer is there I want to go to Lewisham" - Milligan on whether he believed he would go to heaven. Spike Milligan
1195	I talk to myself a lot, and it bothers people because I use a megaphone. Steven Wright
0038	I THINK THERE SHOULD BE SOMETHING in science called the "reindeer effect." I don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good to hear someone say, "Gentlemen, what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect." Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988
0014	Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur. Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound. Anonymous
1198	Im writing a book. I have all the page numbers down, now I just have to fill in the rest. Steven Wright
0024	Why can we remember the tiniest detail that has happened to us, and not remember how many times we have told it to the same person. Francoiss de La Rochefouauld
1207	I took my headlights out and put strobe lights in. Now when I drive at night it looks like I am the only one who is moving. Steven Wright
1194	I like to tease my plants when I water them. I like to water them with ice cubes. Steven Wright
0021	If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment." Marcus Aurelius