Fishtank Humour - Fortunes Tank - Quotes

Fishtank Humour - Fortunes Tank - Quotes

The truth is like ice water, it shocks you when it hits you, but no one's ever died from it.

 - One Liners

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Fortunes

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All Fortunes (1186)

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Quotes (50)

One Liners (594)

Colemanballs (247)

Proverbs (78)

Thoughts (179)

10 Random Quotes - [10 More]

0025

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
Steven Wright

0022

A philosopher is a person who doesn't care which side his bread is buttered on; he knows he eats both sides anyway.
Joyce Brothers

0002

"Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea -- massive, difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it."
spaf 1992

1200

I like to leave messages before the beep.
Steven Wright

0019

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Frank Sinatra

0030

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
Dave Barry

1202

One time the police stopped me for speeding and said "Dont you know the speed limit is only 55 miles an hour?" I said, "I know, but I wasnt going to be out that long."
Steven Wright

1202

One time the police stopped me for speeding and said "Dont you know the speed limit is only 55 miles an hour?" I said, "I know, but I wasnt going to be out that long."
Steven Wright

0030

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
Dave Barry

0037

There's something different about us -- different from people of Europe, Africa, Asia ... a deep and abiding belief in the Easter Bunny.
Gordon Liddy

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