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I Wanna Be A Unix Admin
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To the tune of Pulp's "Common People"

She came from DOS, she had a thirst for knowledge,
She used Windoze at the local college,
She said "vi" instead of "vee-eye"

She told me that her libs had loaded,
I said in that case grab a Jolt Cola,
She said fine, and then in 30 usecs time, she said

"I wanna be a Unix admin,
I wanna do what Unix admins do,
Wanna sleep() like a Unix admin,
Wanna sleep() 'cos that's all Unix admins do",
Well I just checked du,
And said, I'll see what I can do

I told her all about SCSI targets,
I dunno why but I had to start with hardware,
So it started...there.
I said, pretend your disk is buggered,
And she just laughed and said, use a debugger,
I said yeah, but what if /usr/bin was on there?
Are you sure...

You wanna be a Unix admin?
You wanna view the Unix logfiles with tee,
Wanna sleep like a Unix admin,
Wanna sleep with your pager going bleep?
But she didn't understand,
She just ran the man command

Send some mail and watch for top,
Grow your hair and run a job,
Smoke some hash and play some Doom,
Install Linux 'cos it's "kewl",
Still you'll never get access rights,
'Cos when you're hacking late at night,
Running xroach or rwall,
I can hit L1-A to STOP it all, yeah

You'll never be a Unix admin,
You'll never do what Unix admins do,
Never cry like Unix admins,
Never watch your vi turn into view,
And then sync and halt as root,
Because the system is so screwed.

'Cos everybody hates a luser,
Especially one who uses Macs for a laugh,
And if NT takes off, there'll be a bloodbath

You will never understand
How it feels to run your shell
With no TERM set or CTRL,
And your process hung in I/O,
You are confused by all the diffs,
And if it works at all then you can only wonder why

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