From: Bin Laden, Osama
Sent: Monday, November 19, 2001 8:17 AM
Subject: The Cave
Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours but we've really come
as a group and I love that. Big thanks to Omar for putting up the poster
that says "There is no I in team" as well as the one that says "Hang In
There, Baby." That cat is hilarious. However, while we are fighting a
jihad, we can't forget to take care of the cave. And frankly I have a few
First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we
should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey, you
don't want to be stung and neither do I, so we need to sweep the cave
daily. I've posted a sign-up sheet near the main cave opening.
Second, it's not often I make a video address but when I do, I'm trying
to scare the most powerful country on earth, okay? That means that while
taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the background. Just
we're taping. Thanks.
Third point, and this is a touchy one. As you know, by edict, we're not
supposed to shave our beards. But I need everyone to just think hygiene,
especially after mealtime. We're all in this together.
Fourth: food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently, clearly wrote "Osama"
on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, my Cheez-Its were gone.
Consideration. That's all I'm saying.
Finally, we've heard that there may be American soldiers in disguise
to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for them. First
patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar, and Richard.
Love you lots.