The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a
I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a
foundation leaks And a ball game gets rained out And a car rusts and...
Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your
underwear during a fire drill.
Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later,
you'll inhale a bee.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,
for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me
If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another
road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.
If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets
the message across like a good mooning.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog
run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the
neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That
way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run
your fingernails across it until he hangs up.
Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups:
the bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group, and the
Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows
Just remember... You gotta break some eggs to make a real mess on the
When you find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to
remember that all men are brothers... and just give them a noogie or an
This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a
blanket. That's the price you pay for letting the relatives stay over.
It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
Keep your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the
wheel...it's cheaper than plastic surgery.
This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land
and get off my land
Love is like a roller coaster: when it's good you don't want to get
off, and when it isn't... you can't wait to throw up.