Fishtank Humour - Article Tank - THE ASS-HOLE SONG

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THE ASS-HOLE SONG
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(sung in a calm serene voice to a single man guitar & voice accompanyment)

I'm just an regular Joe with an regular job,
I'm your average white suburbanite slob.
I like football, and porno and books about war,
I've got an average house with a nice hardwood floor.
My Wife and my job, my kids and my car,
My feet on my table and a Cuban cigar...

(in a much less calm and altogether more frenetic voice)

But sometimes that just ain't enough,
To keep a man like me intrested.
(Oh-No, No-way, Uh-Uh)

I gotta go out and have FUN,
At someone else's expense.
(Oh Yeah, Yeah yeah, Yeah yeah yeah)

I drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane,
While people behind me are going insane.

I'm an Ass-Hole,
(ee-oh, ee-oh-ee-oh, ee-oh-ee-oh).
I'm an Ass-Hole,
(This guy's really an Ass-Hole).

I use public toilets and I piss on the seats,
I walk around in the summertime saying:
"Howabout this Heat!!" coz

I'm an Ass-Hole,
(ee-oh, ee-oh-ee-oh, ee-oh-ee-oh).
I'm an Ass-Hole,
(He's the world's biggest Ass-Hole).

Sometimes I park in the Handicap spaces,
While Handicap people make Handicap faces.

I'm an Ass-Hole,
(ee-oh, ee-oh-ee-oh, ee-oh-ee-oh).
I'm an Ass-Hole,
(He's a real Fucking Ass-hole).

(calm serene voice again)

Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song,
Ranting and raving and carrying on.
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong....

(three bars of guitar solo)

NAH!!!

I'm an Ass-Hole,
(ee-oh, ee-oh-ee-oh, ee-oh-ee-oh).
I'm an Ass-Hole,
(he's the world's biggest Ass-Hole).
I'm an Ass-Hole......

(repeats and is eventually replaced by Mr. Leary ranting which is interrupted by his accompanyist telling him just how much of an Ass-Hole he REALLY is.)

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