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Computer Truths
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Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.

COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key

Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster.

2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.

<-------------------------- The information went data way --------------------------->

Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" 100 % compression

The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.

BREAKFAST.COM Halted: Cereal Port Not Responding.

The name is Baud, James Baud.

Access denied - nah nah na nah nah!

C:\Bad command or filename! Go stand in the corner.

Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay!! Sta-ay...

Why doesn't DOS ever way "EXCELLENT command or filename"?

As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.

Southern DOS: Yall reckon? (Yep/Nope)

Backups? We don' *NEED* no steekin' backups!

E Pluribus Modem

File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny.

A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.

CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Reboot Washington D.C. (Y/N)?

Does fuzzy logic tickle?

A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord.

11th commandment - Covert not thy neighbour's Pentium.

24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence?

Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.

Windows: Just another pane in the glass.

SENILE.COM found ... Out Of Memory...

Who's General Failure and why's he reading my disk?

Ultimate office automation: networked coffee.

RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.

Shell do DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...

All computers wait at the same speed.

DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors.

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...

Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue...

Press any key... no, no, no, not THAT one!

Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!

E-mail returned to sender - insufficient voltage.

All wiyht. Pho sritched mg kegtops awound?

DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=FNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS

Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS

Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt driven.

"640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981.

Your mouse has moved. Windows NT must be restarted for the change to take effect. Reboot now? [ OK ]

A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.

Computer analyst to programmer: "You start coding. I'll go find out what they want."

Computers follow your orders, not your intentions.

Hit any user to continue.

I wish life had an UNDO function.

If your computer says, "Printer out of Paper," this problem cannot be resolved by continuously clicking the "OK" button.

It said "Insert disk 3..." but only 2 fit in the drive.

Programming graphics in X is like finding sqrt(pi) using Roman numerals.

Life's unfair - but root password helps!

Hey! It compiles! Ship it!

Of course my password is the same as my pet's name. My macaw's name was Q47pY!3, but I change it every 90 days.

Helpdesk tip #2

When the support analyst says "Click...", wait for the rest of the sentence.

Woodhead's Law

"The further you are from your server, the more likely it is to crash."

Definitions

ISDN
It Still Does Nothing

APPLE
Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

SCSI
System Can't See It

DOS
Defective Operating System

BASIC
Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control

IBM
I Blame Microsoft

DEC
Do Expect Cuts

CD-ROM
Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete Monthly

OS/2
Obsolete Soon, Too.

WWW
World Wide Wait

MACINTOSH
Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

PENTIUM
Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Maths

COBOL
Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language

AMIGA
A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction

LISP
Lots of Infuriating Silly Parentheses

MIPS
Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed

WINDOWS
Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

MICROSOFT
Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only FoolsTeenagers

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