- At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice
to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if
you actually launch into it yourself).
- Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with
double-barrelled fingers .
- Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all
that, I don't want to have to repeat it"
- Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
- Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
Wear them one day after you boss does. This is especially effective if
your boss is of a different gender than you.
- Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by
these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm
going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha.
- Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what
you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the
- Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since
you did this.
- While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid.
Call everyone Madge.
- Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get
coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole
- Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people
you're waiting for your document.
- Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them if
they want fries with that.
- Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an
intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to
settle the disagreement.
- Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized
- Put your trash can on your desk. Label it "IN".
- Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.
- Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake
in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they
found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "oh you've got to be
faster than that.
- Put decaf in the coffeemaker for three weeks. Once everyone has
withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
- Whenever answering the phone, and its for your boss, say "He's under his
desk screwing his secretary. Can I take a message?"
- Strip off all your clothes. Complain about how hot it is in the office,
regardless of the temperature.
- When your boss is on the phone scream "Dammit! I'm expecting a call!
Stay off the phone!"
- If your boss bumps into you, start screaming sexual harassment. Talk in
great lengths about the state laws on harassment. Get the authorities
involved. Threaten to sue.
- Sleep with your boss's daughter. Videotape it. Pass out copies around
the office. Brag about how easy she was.
- Steal various office equipment (pencils, staplers, desks). Frame your
boss for it.
- When asked to do something start laughing hysterically. Continue this
for five minutes. Calm down and say, "Oh, you were being serious?"
- Loosen the bolts on the boss's chair. laugh loudly when he/she falls
down. Play innocent.
- Whenever the boss starts to tell you a story, interrupt him/her with a
story of your own. Make sure the story is boring and h as no point what so
- Send a dozen roses to your boss's house when their spouse is home. Sign
an ex-flames name on the card. Next day, ask him/her how their evening
was. Be obvious.
In a colleagues diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights".
Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch
for four at a local resturant. Let him go.
Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you
"Never mind, it's gone now"